Its been a minute, i am really sorry i have been quiet here but work has been very busy and i hit an all time low since Dee passed on to glory.It’s been a roller coaster of emotions; everything reminded me of him and everything made me cry.
Some of the things i have done to keep my sanity these past months will definitely qualify me to be tagged as crazy but it does not really matter because those things have helped me to cope with the grief.
I wont even lie, its been so hard and difficult Infact it is only God that has kept me this far .I still could not bring myself to question God but my little brain could not help but wonder why he had to die.I lost absolute interest in everything so i was just on Auto drive.This minute i am playing with my daughter then the next minutes i am all tears with mucus draining from my nose.It was really confusing for my daughter becuase she always had the look on her face wondering why her Mama that was smiling some moments ago is now crying.
God is a Father, he never leaves his children and even though i was taking a break from Social media i somehow stumbled on one video on Youtube about Micah Stampley.He recently lost his daughter and the video showed him singing and worshipping with some friends.Long and short of the video is that no matter what, IT IS WELL.Just watching that video alone did a lot for me and it made me realize that despite all, i still have reasons to thank him.It was as if i snapped out of a trance.Truth is that getting married to Dee was one of the best thing that ever happened to me and i just wondered why it had to be so short lived.The more time passed , the more i grieved , its being difficult letting go but i know i have to Let Go and Let God heal me completely.
I see our time together as a privilege and i am bold to say i was married to one of heaven’s finest breed.I know i still have a long road ahead of me but i am ready to take the first step .Taking care of our daughter alone has not been easy but i have a great support system.Writing this post is part of my healing process and sincerely its not for everyone.
This whole experience initially put a wedge between God and I ,but now it has helped me love God more , my Faith has been tested and even though i can’t confidently say i got a pass mark , one thing is Sure “THE DEVIL FAILED WOEFULLY”
One of the reason i have been quiet here is because i have been trying to work on my relationship with God and also allow my pain birth purpose.I am learning that this experience does not mean that God doesn’t love in-fact i think he loves me more.Someone even told me that God has always known i can handle it and i know he is right.
So i don’t really know what tomorrow holds but i know the God that holds tomorrow and he is yet to let me down.I think i am a little bit qualified to say that no matter what you might be passing through God really loves you.
Finally i will leave you with this scripture;
“Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? As it is written: “For your sake we face death all day long; we are considered as sheep to be slaughtered.”
No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us.
For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.”
Romans 8:35-39 NIV