Today I am reminded of the pain. (not that I ever forget)
The pain that broke my heart into pieces.
The pain that has made me the woman I am today; strong and totally dependent on God.
The pain that makes me remember that My Astor no longer exist in this realm.
The pain that shook the very core of my christian faith.
But guess what????
It doesn’t hurt as much as it used to.
This time last year, I was taking frequent trips to the hospital toilet to bawl my eyes out.
I was having episodes of difficulty in breathing that comes with intense grief.
The past two years have been the hardest of my life but it has also been the best in terms of my walk with God.
I have every reason to be grateful to God, He has been our Daddy (Darasimi and I) in every sense of it.
I am grateful for my life and a sound mind.
I am grateful for my awesome daughter. (You can call her prof.)
I am grateful for my wonderful friends and family members. (The village that makes sure I don’t get overwhelmed)
One thing is clear in all of these, I am not the woman I was two years ago.
I am gradually becoming the woman Dee was always saying I can be and I really wish he was here to see it.
The greatest battle I had to fight in this second year was in my mind. God broke me completely during the lockdown and started the healing process all over again.
The questions continued…….
I know Dee’s death did not take God by surprise so my major question was why God allowed me to marry Dee when He knew Dee was going to die ???
I know I probably will not get my answer on this side of the divide but one thing is sure; the woman that I have become, the strength I now have, the deep reliance on God is majorly because I married Adeola Okungbaye.
Through his life I learnt about God’s goodness and favor , I experienced genuine love , I saw how God can be the difference in someone’s life. The lessons are just too numerous. Our short but beautiful marriage was a boot camp.
I still hear his voice in my head telling me I can do whatever I set my mind to do with God on my side.
So today, I remember him with a smile on my face and not just with tears. Marrying him will still remain one of the best decisions I have taken in my life.
As I continue my #rebuildingbeautiful journey, I will forever remain grateful to God for our short time together.
I actually got a word from God for year 3
“To care for the needs of all who mourn in Zion, give them bouquets of roses instead of ashes, Messages of joy instead of news of doom, a praising heart instead of a languid spirit. Rename them “Oaks of Righteousness” planted by GOD to display his glory. They’ll rebuild the old ruins, raise a new city out of the wreckage. They’ll start over on the ruined cities, take the rubble left behind and make it new. Isaiah 61:3-4 MSG
Ohhh and this too…
GOD told them, “I’ve never quit loving you and never will. Expect love, love, and more love! And so now I’ll start over with you and build you up again, dear virgin Israel. You’ll resume your singing, grabbing tambourines and joining the dance. Jeremiah 31:3-4 MSG
If the devil ever thought his death was going to end me, well he was right in a way. Dee’s death broke me but it also released the real warrior woman within.
So last last, the joke is on the devil.
For anyone grieving, one thing I can assure you is that,
“It actually gets better with time”
The same me that almost jumped into Dee’s grave at the cemetery because I thought it was really the end can now think about him with minimal pain.
Never forget that no matter what,
ONLY GOOD IS GOD AND HE DOESN’T DO EVIL.
Love and Revelational Light,