iTESTIFY

The Lord is good all the time.

I believe this with everything inside of me.

My heart believes it but does my head believe it?

No matter what God is still good.

Somedays I cry myself to sleep because I miss my husband so much, you see bedtime was our gist time.We talked about everything, from office gist to ministry gist to planning for the future so you can imagine how hard it’s been.

But still, THE LORD IS GOOD.

I look at how beautiful my child is and how much her father would have loved her and my heart cuts, yet my heart tells me the Lord is good in all circumstances.

Only Good is God, I hear my late husband’s voice echo in my head but I am stubborn and I don’t want to believe it.

Recently I sat down and asked God, what is your plan???

I mean He must have one right????

Because before this loss, my life was starting to make a whole lot of sense.

Then I got the shocking reply, “your life has never made more sense”

Here I am a widow at 32, with no Job (I was jobless at the time), with a child to take care of. Add the pandemic and every other thing that could go wrong.

Abba was saying my life makes sense!!!!!

God is a mastermind, He is patient and Gentle. He does not rush. Baba was ready to walk me through the process.

He reminded me of the enabling strength He gave me. People keep saying I am strong, if only they know how much I cry (I cry so much that my daughter is always looking at me “one kain”). Even when I break down crying I literally feel His comforting words hugging me and telling me everything will be okay. (Of course my stubborn head gives Him the side eye).

God reminded me of how He has supplied all of our needs. All I just need to do is to think about it. God’s divine provision covers it.( and I mean this in every sense of instant bank alert telling me the exact money I need has been credited to my account)

He reminded me of how I suddenly became invisible to the person that Shot my husband despite my woeful cry that fateful day.

Haaaa, GOD IS REALLY GOOD.

He reminded of Favour, at a point I was jobless. (Long story for another day). I went from being jobless to being confused in a short while. I had so many options, I had to ask my sweet Holyspirit for help.

I can go on and on, though at this point God had my attention.

As far as I was concerned, my whole Life was a mess. As far as God is concerned He is making something beautiful out of my life.

“Friends, when life gets really difficult, don’t jump to the conclusion that God isn’t on the job. Instead, be glad that you are in the very thick of what Christ experienced. This is a spiritual refining process, with glory just around the corner.” 1 Peter‬ ‭4:12-13‬ ‭MSG‬‬

I have been called to the brokenhearted, not to heal you but to show you that even in the midst of your pain you can find purpose.

To tell you that, even in the midst of the pain God is right there with you. He is the one that will heal you if you let Him.

I might be a widow but I have a kinsman redeemer in Jesus and He loves me like crazy.

Guess what???

God loves you too and He is a good good Father.

“God is a safe place to hide, ready to help when we need him. We stand fearless at the cliff-edge of doom, courageous in seastorm and earthquake, Before the rush and roar of oceans, the tremors that shift mountains. Jacob-wrestling God fights for us, GOD -of-Angel-Armies protects us.” Psalm‬ ‭46:1-3‬ ‭MSG‬‬

God, you’re such a safe and powerful place to find refuge! You’re a proven help in time of trouble— more than enough and always available whenever I need you. So we will never fear even if every structure of support were to crumble away. We will not fear even when the earth quakes and shakes, moving mountains and casting them into the sea. For the raging roar of stormy winds and crashing waves cannot erode our faith in you. Pause in his presence” Psalms‬ ‭46:1-3‬ ‭TPT‬‬

Haaaaaaa, this scripture excites me. Can we just take a moment to digest this love letter from God.

“Even if every support structure were to crumble away” He is right there with you.

“We stand fearless at the cliff-edge of doom.”

Let’s talk about doom,

That was how I felt in the waiting room when the doctors came to tell me my husband had another cardiac arrest on the operating table and they couldn’t resuscitate him.

I remember saying that my “Life has spoilt and my life has ended”

Now God is showing me that my Life has not ended, rather He is rewriting my story.

He can rewrite yours too, if you allow Him to.

“Though the cherry trees don’t blossom and the strawberries don’t ripen, Though the apples are worm-eaten and the wheat fields stunted, Though the sheep pens are sheepless and the cattle barns empty, I’m singing joyful praise to GOD. I’m turning cartwheels of joy to my Savior God. Counting on GOD ’s Rule to prevail, I take heart and gain strength. I run like a deer. I feel like I’m king of the mountain! Habakkuk‬ ‭3:17-19‬ MSG

This past one and a half year has been hard but God has been faithful.

Do I still cry?? Yeah, almost everyday.

Am I strong?? Absolutely because challenges that do not kill you only make you stronger.

How did I cope and how am I still standing????

God God God God and God.

I am inviting you on a healing journey, where you trade your sorrows, pain and shame for the Joy of the Lord.

No matter what it is you are going through,God’s got you.

At the moment my heart and my head are not in the same place as per the goodness of God but I know it is only a matter of time before my head will catch up with my heart.

Pending that time, I know my heart is in a good place.

Love and revelational Light,

YJ.

PS: Dee bought me my first camera and after he died I hid it somewhere because using it was just too painful. I recently got the strength to look for it and I started photography again. It doesn’t hurt so much again.

PPS: The scriptures quoted above are some of the verses that have helped me on this journey. I have so many because the word of God has been my companion on this journey.