For a very long time I debated whether I should continue blogging or not but I figured that Dee would not have wanted me to stop considering how much he supported my writing on this space.
On the 10th of February, I lost the love of my life and even though I still don’t fully understand the circumstances around his death I know God does and that’s my only consolation.
His death shook everyone that knew him.Dee was many things to many people and so we all shut down after the news circulated.For me it was as if time stood still for like a week.
At first I was in denial and the first time it really dawned on me was when we were at the cemetery. I lost total control that day, as his body was lowered I knew that was the end of our beautiful time together, I knew I wasn’t going to see him again until resurrection day.
I was privileged to have been married to one of the best souls I ever met.Perhaps he knew our relationship was not going to last forever but he always lived the day fully, never waiting for a better time.With him it was always a “now” thing.
Dee:Sweet let’s visit XYZ
Me:No, I am tired.Lets go some other time
Dee: You are always tired,let’s go now.
Such was life with him.
After he died, i couldn’t sleep, eat, pray ,study, at times I couldn’t even breathe well but I knew he prepared me for a time like this because I couldn’t stop trusting God.
I wanted to stop trusting God, I wanted to ask questions and point fingers at God accusing him of why he will allow something like this to happen but each time I got close to taking the dive, all I hear is my Dee telling me “Only Good is God”, He doesn’t do evil. He had a revelation about the goodness of God early last year and he never stopped talking about God’s goodness. It is the reason our Daughter’s name is Oluwadarasimi; meaning God is good to me.
My life will never remain the same again, even as I type this I have tears flowing down my face. Somedays it is easy to handle the grief while on some days it overwhelms me but I get my strength in the fact that my Astor is in a better place even though I will rather have him by my side.
I get my strength from the wonderful people that have being my support system ,family and friends alike.
I get my strength from the smile on my daughter’s face.
Most importantly I get my strength from the fact that GOD IS A GOOD GOD.
He has good plans for me and my daughter even though it is hard for me to see right now.
This is to encourage you that no matter what you might be going through, even if weeping endures for the night, joy comes in the morning.
I see this period as my night time, I know the morning is coming but while I wait for it, I choose to still say
ONLY GOOD IS GOD