One of my new commitment going forward is to write more (so help me God).
April has generally been a tough month for me, I have struggled with so much emotions mostly because our wedding anniversary is on the 23rd of this month.
I generally have my triggers;
Our wedding anniversary
His death anniversary .
Out of all these, our wedding anniversary comes first and even though I braced myself , it still hit me hard. Especially because my work allows me to see how the marriage institution is under so much attack. So I got inspired to share some lessons from our short marriage.
I rarely talk about marriage or relationship because my opinion on marriage is based on the bible and it is often viewed as old school . I also feel I don’t really have bragging rights but I obey as God instructs.
Here it goes ;
1) Marriage is a new beginning
I am smiling as I write this.
Dee and I were raised under 2 totally different circumstances. His parents had one of the best marriages I ever saw up close while I was single handedly raised by my mum. So for someone that moved from not wanting to get married to actually getting married, I had a warped view about marriage (Thank God for the Holyspirit and Sound teachers). I was strong headed and so independent that I sometimes forgot that I had a husband. I had to unlearn so many wrong things and uninstall bad ideologies but I must say it caused a lot of unnecessary fights between us. Eventually I came to terms with the fact that we were starting something new on a solid foundation and I allowed him to love me and take care of me as a husband should and he also made room for my peculiarities (I was really stubborn sha). When two people decide to start a life together, its a new beginning. Its a new adventure, a new home, a new purpose and its always better not to base your new home on your backgrounds ( though we can learn from them). I learnt that he is not my father and he also learnt that I am not his mother.
We allowed the Holyspirit take charge and didn’t allow our past undo our future.
2) You have to grow Capacity
I will dwell on this one because its one of the toughest lessons I learnt in our marriage.
There was so much buzz as Apostle Mike Orokpo (he is one of our new generation firebrand apostle) announced his wedding recently. People were going on and on about how some ladies will be unhappy now that he is hooked. I had a discussion with a friend and I was telling her that if only people knew the sacrifice that lady will have to make they will know that the glamour is in those pictures alone. We want the glamour but are we ready to do the work?
It was clear from the word go what Dee’s passion and assignment was. As a good christian sister, I was ready to go all the way with him for two major reasons.
- That is what a good marriage is about
- Asides my mum, Dee was my number one encourager and supporter.
We got married and I must confess that nothing prepared me for the enormity of the work we had to do. Dee was a giver to the core and his life purpose was raising young people for God.
Prior to our wedding, he was the youth president in his church and the plan we had was that after our wedding we will change church. We also agreed that we will get an apartment close to my school (I was in my 5th year of medical school when we got married) for convenience. When we started searching for an apartment, Dee told me God already gave him a location for where he wants us to set up our home and it was entirely different from what we planned. Little did I know that I was being set up by God.
Fam, we got an apartment and we never changed church (I still feel scammed lol). After the wedding we got right to work ohhh; no honeymoon period ( haha just kidding). I remember he told me , God said our home was going to be a refuge for young people (little wonder God didn’t tell me because I would have said no at that time) and that was exactly what it was. Our home was opened to them anytime and everytime.
I was initially unhappy oh and I was always revolting (codedly sha) because it was a whole lot and I just wanted my husband to myself. In retrospect I knew I was just being selfish because he was a wonderful husband and I didn’t want to share.
One day I took a picture of the plenty shoes at the door of our home(our house was rugged so people remove their shoes at the door) and sent to my friend and she encouraged me ( thank God for sound counsel). Dee saw this picture on my phone and he just laughed and continued the Lord’s work. Even though I tried my best it wasn’t coming from a good place.
He gave his time, his energy, his money, his tears to this ministry. He did it wholeheartedly despite all my rantings and partial support.
I revolted so bad that God had to come to me. He told me not to be a stumbling block to His Son. In God’s words ” This is who I have called Him to be, don’t be a stumbling block”
Thank God for grace and mercy. This was the day I received sense and embraced it. Not only did it make my late husband happy, I saw God bless us tremendously for it (Story for another day). With the benefit of hind sight I am glad I got the wake up call because I never knew the time was short.
I developed capacity for his ministry just like he did for mine. We did the work and chased 10,000 together with God’s help.
“How could one have chased a thousand, and two have put ten thousand to flight, unless their Rock had sold them, and the Lord had given them up?” Deuteronomy 32:30 ESV
For everyone that wants a wonderful spouse, start to develop capacity for them. You can’t be married to someone with a helps or giving ministry and be tight fisted.
God will never give his Son or daughter to anyone that will destroy them.
Toju Oluwatoyinbo captured my thoughts in these instagram posts.
3) Don’t build your marriage based on what you see on social media.(Just take this one literally because if I start on it I won’t finish)
I think I will just stop here, so many lessons to share but this post is long enough.
These days, the narrative about marriage is changing but I can confidently tell you that ;
- Marriage is beautiful but it also requires work and intentionality. People that have great marriages worked for it.
- Not every marriage is failing. There are still great marriages its just that bad news spread fast.
- The bible should be the manual for your marriage and not Social media.
On a final note here is another instagram post that blessed me;
Love and Revelational Light,